The Art of Reframing
How to Do It Right (and How Not To)
Reframing is a powerful mental health tool. It’s the practice of shifting your perspective on a thought, situation, or feeling to see it in a new, often more constructive, light. This technique is commonly used in therapy to help clients move past self-limiting beliefs or painful narratives that keep them stuck.
But not all reframes are created equal. When done well, reframing validates your experience and helps you find a healthier perspective. When done poorly, it can feel dismissive or even deepen feelings of shame.
Let’s explore what reframing is, why it’s useful, and how to approach it in a way that fosters growth rather than avoidance.
Why Reframing Matters
At its core, reframing helps us challenge rigid or unhelpful thinking patterns that can contribute to stress, anxiety, or depression. Our minds are meaning-making machines, and the way we interpret events or experiences can have a profound impact on our emotional well-being.
For example:
Unhelpful thought: "I failed at my job interview. I’ll never succeed in my career."
Reframe: "That job wasn’t the right fit, but I can learn from this experience and prepare for the next opportunity."
Reframing doesn’t erase the disappointment or frustration of the failed interview—it simply provides a way to view the experience as part of a larger, more hopeful story.
How Not to Reframe
Reframing becomes unhelpful when it skips over the real, raw feelings tied to a situation. Imagine someone struggling with self-doubt saying, “I’m a loser.” Jumping straight to “I love myself, I’m amazing” might sound good on the surface, but it’s likely to feel inauthentic or forced.
This kind of dramatic reframe ignores the underlying pain and can even create pressure to feel a certain way before you’re ready. Instead of fostering self-compassion, it can leave you feeling disconnected from your own emotions.
Unrealistic or overly positive reframing can also unintentionally minimize someone’s lived experience. Imagine telling a grieving friend, “At least you still have your memories,” instead of simply acknowledging their loss. Such statements, though well-intentioned, can feel dismissive rather than supportive.
How to Reframe Effectively
Start with Validation
Before attempting to reframe, acknowledge the feelings that are present. Emotions like sadness, frustration, or anger deserve to be felt and understood. For example, if you’re feeling rejected, you might start with:“It’s okay to feel hurt. Rejection is hard.”
Look for Small Shifts
Instead of leaping to an overly positive outlook, aim for a reframe that feels realistic and achievable. Consider:Original thought: “I’m a terrible friend because I forgot their birthday.”
Reframe: “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t define me as a friend. I can make it up to them.”
Focus on What’s True and Helpful
Effective reframing isn’t about ignoring reality—it’s about finding a perspective that empowers you.Original thought: “I’m bad at everything I try.”
Reframe: “Learning something new takes time, and I’m proud of myself for trying.”
Incorporate Gratitude or Opportunity When Appropriate
If it feels authentic, you can look for something positive or a lesson within the situation. However, this should never be forced.
The Power of Reframing in Therapy
In therapy, reframing can help shift entrenched beliefs and open the door to self-compassion and growth. A therapist can guide you through this process, helping you explore what’s beneath your thoughts and identify reframes that resonate with your lived experience. Over time, reframing can become a skill you use independently to navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience.
We’re Here to Help
At Blackbird Mental Health, we specialize in helping clients build tools like reframing to navigate life’s ups and downs. Whether you’re facing anxiety, self-doubt, or other challenges, we’re here to support you on your journey.
Contact us today to take the first step toward a more balanced, compassionate perspective.
